Well actually it wont, but it will ebb away again for a little while.
Anyone who’s spoken to me for more than half an hour in my life will know I am unashamedly…….
Been so for as long as I can remember. I have wanted to do a variety of things in my life, from being a Montessori teacher (too openly gay), to a writer (ha!), and an airline attendant (too short), to a radio dj (voice to high pitched), a computer programmer (utterly crap at maths) and even Ireland’s first female Taoiseach (USI would have had a lot to answer for)
Many as you can see have been put lovingly but firmly to rest… excepting one…. and given my “lifestyle” you’d be forgiven for thinking I have kept the hardest one on….
I want to be, nay I shall be, a mommy.
There are so many stories around this, and I know that this will not be the last time you have to (skip over) read my ramblings on this topic. Mostly I keep it under check, except for the totally spontaneous exclamation* of “Doh Doh Doh” when I see a baby, or a fresh one as I can sometimes be heard mewing… as my head follows it magnetically…
I don’t know where it came from, only that it feels to me completely innate, to me its the most natural expression of the core of what I am about on this planet.
If you are
A: wondering why I would need to say this.
B: somewhat surprised that I feel like that.
C: mildly worried about what the hell the kid would turn out like
D: vaguely curious as to how I am going to go about this.
I will, I am sure in the fullness of time answer all these questions, most of which I share with you.
As I mentioned this compulsion has been with me from year dot. I think I was one of the few 8yr old’s who compulsively watched BBC documentaries on pregnancy and child birth. I have in my hardrive every one of BBC’s Child of our Time shows. I buy and hide baby books…. and I terrify many people on the vastness of my bizarrely acquired, rarely asked for yet freely imparted knowledge on the topic.
So why say it today? What brought this banging to the surface tonight as I sit here at my laptop…..
Last year I turned 30, and my plan had always been 32…Insha’Allah, that I would start a family. I hoped I would be in a loving relationship at the time, and I am and *fingers crossed* will remain so, as I love her dearly. That said this is such a vital part of me that I probably would have tried to make it work had she not come into my life.
In the last 48hrs, 6 of my friends have either announced the birth of their babies, the imminent arrival of same, or their intention to pro actively go about the conception of same…. it was like being slapped in the face with a wet… nappy.
And by the power of oestrogen!(Note: Implied Tundercats Roar)
My biologically clock came back from the snooze and began clanging loudly in my ear!
As you can imagine, this will, ahem, take a bit of forward planning…. and while this will not by any means become a Lesbo-baby-diary, I will keep you appraised of the situation.
If anyone has some words of wisdom, yelps of concern, condolences for my gf, offers of help??
I have …womb… for you all (badum-tish!)
So there you go…. don’t say I hold back.
*Thanks to all my lovely Twitter mates who helped thaw my brain freeze, and who will be mildly suprised that the question I asked related to this! @darraghdoyle, @allancavanagh, @lexia, @stiofainod, @jentertainment, & @damienmulley